When to ask for help?

Help…. Hmmmmm… Let’s just start with the dictionary meaning of the word “HELP”.

One of the meanings of the word “Help” is; “make it easier for (someone) to do something. Improve (a situation or problem); be of benefit to. Support (someone) to allow them to move in a specific direction”.

In today’s world where everyone is wanting to become independent, we have to understand the importance of being interdependent. As social animals, we humans live in groups. Society is indispensable for a human. We are all interdependent.  Because in a society, all are gifted with a different set of skills, training, and experiences. And since one person can’t have all of them, we need different people to deal with different aspects of our life. That is how we all help each other to survive and to grow. So in our day-to-day life, we approach various people for their help/services. So at some point or the other, when it becomes difficult to find a solution on our own, we seek help. 

But when it comes to our mental and emotional issues, we somehow don’t feel comfortable asking for help. Probably due to so many misconceptions. But it’s important for us to understand, like all the aspects of our life, even this needs help. For example, in case of a simple headache or cold, if things are not that severe, we just try all the home remedies. Probably a hot coffee/tea, simple paracetamol, etc. And most of the time that works. But when they don’t, we consult a doctor. And once we are fine we stop seeing that doctor.

So why are we not so open when it comes to our mental health? Let’s first understand the reasons.

The Probable Reasons

  • Because we think, that asking for such help would mean that we are weak and incapable of helping ourselves or the situation. Now, that cannot be true. In fact, acknowledging that we have an issue and the willingness to take help requires a lot of inner strength and willpower. It’s the first step to winning over our insecurities.
  • That we would become totally dependent on that source of help and will have to run to it, every time we have a problem. If we ask for help, with an intention to unlearn our old patterns and learn new ways, taking help will surely empower us.
  • If I take help now from so and so person or source, I will have to repay them by doing or giving things I might not want / incapable to do or give. We all owe each other in some way or the other. We just have to have faith in ourselves, and work out things accordingly. Take in the help gracefully and express gratitude.
  • We think we might bother or burden others with our problems. Trust me, people who love you or people who genuinely want to support you, would be more than happy to be there for you.
  • Also asking for help would mean exposing the most intimate part of ourselves to other and becoming vulnerable. I have seen, the more we try to hide our past wounds, the more power we give it, to affect our life. The moment we open ourselves to heal, those wounds lose their control over us.
  • Fear of rejection. It only means we have approach an inappropriate source of help. Don’t give up, we just have to open our eyes to other options.
  • Fear of what will that person think about me? The day you stop judging your own self, other’s judgement would not affect you. Our intention is to just learn how to come out of a given situation.

Benefits of asking for help –

  • Because we think, that asking for such a help would mean that we are weak and incapable of helping ourselves or the situation. Now, that cannot be true. In fact acknowledging that we have an issue and the willingness to take help requires a lot of inner strength and will power. It’s the first step to win over our insecurities.
  • That we would become totally dependent on that source of help and will have to run to it, every time we have a problem. If we ask for a help, with an intention to unlearn our old patterns and learn new ways, taking help will surely empower us.
  • If I take help now from so and so person or source, I will have to repay them by doing or giving things I might not want / incapable to do or give. We all owe each other in some way or the other. We just have to have faith in ourselves, and work out things accordingly. Take in the help gracefully and express gratitude.
  • We think we might bother or burden others with our problems. Trust me, people who love you or people who genuinely want to support you, would be more than happy to be there for you.
  • Also asking for help would mean exposing the most intimate part of ourselves to other and becoming vulnerable. I have seen, the more we try to hide our past wounds, the more power we give it, to affect our life. The moment we open ourselves to heal, those wounds lose their control over us.
  • Fear of rejection. It only means we have approach an inappropriate source of help. Don’t give up, we just have to open our eyes to other options.
  • Fear of what will that person think about me? The day you stop judging your own self, other’s judgement would not affect you. Our intention is to just learn how to come out of a given situation.

Benefits of Asking For Help –

  • It helps us ventilate out all our piled up emotions. In my practice I have observed, 50 per cent of people feel better just by talking it out, in front of a person who is listening to you, without any judgement.
  • It helps us to look at things from a different point of view.
  • It makes us aware of our own patterns.
  • It makes us aware of different ways in which we can deal with our issues.

              Once we overcome our hesitations, it will become easier for us to see our issues more clearly. We understand where the real problem is. Once we get the clarity, we can decide whom to approach accordingly. So now let’s consider who can we approach. We can get the help if we know who can help us.

Whom to approach –

  • Close friends and relatives – they are the best. Most of our problems get solved at this level. They love and understand us and we feel safe with them.
  • Internet – at times there are things which we cannot ask / talk with our loved ones. Or at times we know that they might not have the answer. That is the time when we approach “Google Baba”. Another good source of information and help, but should be used with caution. The authenticity of the person and the information should be considered.
  • Acquaintances / colleagues /strangers – there are times when out of nowhere someone just comes and offers us help. Or someone tells us “let me know if I can help”… and we just dismiss them thinking they don’t really mean it. But as a matter of fact, at times they do. So just follow your instincts. Don’t restrict yourself.
  • Religious or Spiritual Gurus / books – again this can be a good source of help, if done with awareness. Ask yourself, does this way, truly makes me feel humble, tolerant, peaceful and more loving? Is it making me a good human being?
  • Self-help and motivation – this is the only thing which keeps us going on daily basis. But at times we do need assistance.
  • Meditation – the best method for self-actualisation. It helps us integrate ourselves and increases our awareness.
  • Professionals – there are a wide range of health care professionals, Psychotherapists and various healing modalities. See which one you relate to, the most and seek help with faith in yourself. And have faith on that professional as well. These professionals are trained, to look at your issues from a neutral view. Even in long standing and complex issues they can see things clearly. They make you aware of your patterns and your real problems. And assist you in dealing with them using various techniques respectively.

How to know if the help you are getting, is helping you or making things more worst 

If by taking those advises or helps, you feel more en-powered and start feeling and seeing good things within yourself and around you with more peace in your mind… then my friend you are on the right track.

 ‘Ask and YOU shall receive. The whole universe will conspire to make it happen’.

So ask with an open mind to receive. Keeping our egos down and yet preserving our self-esteem. All we have to do is, just pick the phone and call our loved ones or just go and meet them. Or just write a polite and precise mail to someone who can help you. Talk to people. Express your gratitude. If nothing works, take professional help. Life is simple. And these issues only come, to help us understand ourselves better. 

Found this Interesting flow chart on the net. 

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